Valentine's Day Brings Up Sad Memory

Back in 2007, I remember we had a huge snowstorm on valentine's day and I didn't stop in to see my dad before work that day because of all the snow.  I normally stopped by to visit him before going to work and then got the bus from his house.  That was on a Wednesday.

When I stopped in two days later on Friday, I found him dead on his bathroom floor and I still think about that terrible day every Valentine's day.  Over time, the memory has faded some but it's very hard when people die around a holiday.  It seems as though it has a way of putting a damper on the celebration.

I still miss my dad very much because we were very close.  He was such a wonderful man and I did visit him practically every day.  I suggested that he move in with us, but he said that wouldn't work. He treasured his independence and loved puttering around the house.  He also didn't want to be a burden to us.  He had a good long life and was healthy for most of it.  He lived 89 years. 

Cherish your loved ones while you still can and have a Happy Valentine's Day!

I am donating .50 per legitimate comment this month to Caroline's Kids Pet Rescue.

My Biggest “What If” Worry

My dad’s biggest worry was what would happen to his cats if they outlived him. Part of the reason my dad didn’t take his cats for regular vet care was that he was actually hoping they wouldn’t outlive him. I reassured him that I would take care of them for him, and did for three months; but then when I decided to sell his house, I had to get the cats out.

At the time, we already had two cats--Moe (14 years old) and Spunky Doodle (3 years old). His two male cats were not neutered but the female must have been spayed; however, the males had HIV and the female had parasites. They all had their claws whereas; my two both had their front paws declawed. I looked for someone to take them but couldn’t find anyone and ended up having to have them put down. It was heartbreaking for me and I felt I let my dad down. I just didn’t have any choice. I didn’t know about the cat sanctuaries around.

Now, my biggest fear is for the welfare of our pets if something happened to both Gerard and me. We don’t have children. Who would even know something happened to us and that they were in there all alone?

What’s your biggest worry?

I am donating .50 per legitimate comment this month to Samaritan's Purse for famine relief to starving people in Africa.

Where Did The Time Go?

It’s hard to believe that it’s been four years now since my dad died. The first two years it didn’t seem real. I couldn’t believe he was really gone. Now, over time, I have become used to not having him around. I still miss him very much and wish he were still here; however, it no longer seems that he’ll call or that I’ll visit him tomorrow. I am finally over the routines I had when he was alive.

Now instead of buying his medications, I buy my own and have to remember to take different pills at different times and on certain days. I now understand how he felt about not really being bored staying home. I used to think nothing of going out in the evening, but now once I get home from work, I’m happy to be home and don’t have any desire to go out very often. I sure hope this changes once the weather warms up! I think back to when my mom was alive and would go to church on Wednesday nights with me to help in our AWANA club for the kids when she was in her 60s and early 70s. I give her a lot of credit! In just three more years, I’ll be 60!

It’s strange how some days I feel old and other days I feel like I’m 27! Bundled up, tromping through the snow in the cold I felt like an old lady going to work last week! I guess it depends on my frame of mind and how my knees are that day. Funny how time flies by the older we get. I look forward to retirement, but also plan on enjoying each year along the way!

To find out more about my book and why I wrote it, read the Foreword here. Tweet This

Lenore--The Love Of His Life (Back2Bloging Day 2)

Day 2 of Back2Blogging is to re-post a post you wish more people read and tell why it is important to you. Well, this was originally posted December 2, 2009 and is about both my parents and reminds me of how blessed I was to have had such loving parents.

On this 10th anniversary of my mom's death, I thought it appropriate to write a bit about how important she was to us. Lenore and Harry met at a church function and my dad was attracted to her because she was funny and fun. They both served in the church together for many years.

They both were very loving, caring and generous. With me being an only child, they took in three foster children even though they had only intended on taking in two so the three could stay together. I was thrilled with the idea of sharing my wonderful parents with other kids who needed a good home. It was fun having two sisters and a brother all at once and we grew up together.

Although my dad was the "head of the house" and when he said something, that was it, mom really handled all matters concerning us kids. Often she would convince my dad to let us do things that he felt wasn't a good idea. They discussed all decisions and dad appreciated her input. They were married I believe for 52 years! They had a good balance between them. Dad was reserved, mom more outgoing; dad was handy around the house, mom was nurturing and intuitive.

When mom got very weak and had to go into the hospital, dad stayed with her all day. He was 80 at the time and insisted on caring for her instead of having her go to a nursing home. He had nurses come by the house and he took care of her and even built a special step that she used for therapy. The nurses were amazed that dad could take such good care of her and said she was they're best patient and doing so well with her therapy.

Her last Thanksgiving with us was very encouraging to me. She seemed normal and was enjoying the holiday. I really thought she would be okay but she died a week later. One of the last things she said to me was that dad was a good man and I should take care of him. I tried to do just that.

Poor dad seemed so alone, but not for long. He soon let in some of the stray cats that he had been feeding outside because mom did not like cats and did not want them in the house. They were good company for him. The first week or so, my dad slept upstairs with his cats instead of in his own bed. It was just too hard without her by his side. I had a closer relationship with my mom but after she died, my dad and I became much closer and our relationship improved.

He was so cute though. He shared with me that he would often dream of her so it was like she was still with him and that he had two lives now--the one during the day and the one in his dreams at night. It's hard to believe mom's been gone now ten years. I'll never forget her or my dad. I loved them very much and miss them both.

Related Posts: A Letter To Mom (insight into our relationship)
A Thanksgiving to Remember

(I re-posted this to participate in a giveaway going on in connection with "Back To Blogging." The giveaway is a washer and dryer from sponsors, Standards of Excellence, Westar Kitchen and Bath, and Florida Builder Appliances.)

To find out more about my book and why I wrote it, read the Foreword here.
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One Memory I Wish Would Disappear (Writer’s Workshop)

I went to dad’s one February Friday,
Just like any other work day.
This horrible day the door was still locked.
The lights were off and the paper was still on the porch.

Why, oh why?

I used my key to go in the upstairs door.
The downstairs lock was broke so the key wouldn’t work.
That’s why dad always opened it for me from the inside with his letter opener.
I noticed the cats were laying quietly, no greeting from them today.

Why, oh why?

Uh oh, something is wrong, did dad over sleep?
I hope he’s okay and did not die yet, he is 89.
I hurry downstairs and call out to him. . . . silence.

Why, oh why?

He’s not in the kitchen, or the dining room or the living room either.
I look some more and find him in the bathroom,
On the floor against the tub,
Naked. His legs are dark purple!

Why, oh why?

He’s not waking up, I’m scared he’s dead.
I try to find a pulse but can’t, his chest isn’t moving!
I call 9-1-1.
They tell me to get him flat on the floor to do CPR.
I can’t, he will not budge.

Why, oh why couldn’t he just die in his sleep in the chair?

Related Post: The Day Dad Died God Gave Me Special Cat Time

This is in response to Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop prompt: Write a poem about a memory you sometimes wish would disappear.

To find out more about my book and why I wrote it, read the Foreword here. Tweet This

A Poem For You, Dad

This is the 3rd year anniversary of my dad's death. It is getting easier but I still miss him and wish things had been a bit different.

I love that you made so many things for me
And that today many of them in my house I see.

I love that you let me mess up your black hair.
I hate that it turned gray and isn’t there!

I love you giving me piggy back rides.
But oh, I hate how fast the time flies.

I love that you were so nice to my friends.
Even though you wished the noisy parties would end.

I love that you accepted my husband, Gerard,
Even though he finds making and fixing things hard.

I love that you took in all those cats,
Loving them in spite of their elusive acts.

I love that you helped me complete my projects,
Whether in science, Awana, paintings or other objects.

I love that you were so protective, driving us all over the place,
Although at the time I preferred to ride with someone with a different face.

I love how you planned fun family outings,
Including my friend coming along with us always!

I love the pictures of when we were younger,
But also sweet memories of us growing older.

I love you were able to make or fix anything—just great!
Even eager to learn the computer at age 88.

I love that you were honest, generous, and kind,
Helping others without charge, paying no mind.

I love how you took care of mom when she was sick.
Insisting that by her side you would stick!

I love that you were self-sufficient to the end,
But hate that I found you in the bathroom dead.

I love that you didn’t have to go to a nursing home to die,
But hate that you died all alone without me close by.

I want you to know long ago I decided if I ever did have a boy,
I would name him Harry!

I hate that you’re gone, and still miss you terribly!

Check out these Related posts: Day Dad Died

To find out more about my book and why I wrote it, read the Foreword here.

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Lenore, The Love Of His Life

On this 10th anniversary of my mom's death, I thought it appropriate to write a bit about how important she was to us. Lenore and Harry met at a church function and my dad was attracted to her because she was funny and fun. They both served in the church together for many years.

They both were very loving, caring and generous. With me being an only child, they took in three foster children even though they had only intended on taking in two so the three could stay together. I was thrilled with the idea of sharing my wonderful parents with other kids who needed a good home. It was fun having two sisters and a brother all at once and we grew up together.

Although my dad was the "head of the house" and when he said something, that was it, mom really handled all matters concerning us kids. Often she would convince my dad to let us do things that he felt wasn't a good idea. They discussed all decisions and dad appreciated her input. They were married I believe for 52 years! They had a good balance between them. Dad was reserved, mom more outgoing; dad was handy around the house, mom was nurturing and intuitive.

When mom got very weak and had to go into the hospital, dad stayed with her all day. He was 80 at the time and insisted on caring for her instead of having her go to a nursing home. He had nurses come by the house and he took care of her and even built a special step that she used for therapy. The nurses were amazed that dad could take such good care of her and said she was they're best patient and doing so well with her therapy.

Her last Thanksgiving with us was very encouraging to me. She seemed normal and was enjoying the holiday. I really thought she would be okay but she died a week later. One of the last things she said to me was that dad was a good man and I should take care of him. I tried to do just that.

Poor dad seemed so alone, but not for long. He soon let in some of the stray cats that he had been feeding outside because mom did not like cats and did not want them in the house. They were good company for him. The first week or so, my dad slept upstairs with his cats instead of in his own bed. It was just too hard without her by his side. I had a closer relationship with my mom but after she died, my dad and I became much closer and our relationship improved.

He was so cute though. He shared with me that he would often dream of her so it was like she was still with him and that he had two lives now--the one during the day and the one in his dreams at night. It's hard to believe mom's been gone now ten years. I'll never forget her or my dad. I loved them very much and miss them both.

Related Posts: A Letter To Mom (insight into our relationship)
A Thanksgiving to Remember

To find out more about my book and why I wrote it, read the Foreword here.
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Are You Sure You Want to Throw That Away?

UPDATED 8/18/09: To see paintings I did, check out What's Your Hobby--I used to Paint on my Karen & Gerard Zemek blog.
Harry made a really nice painting easel when my mom watched the painter on channel 25 so she could paint as a hobby. She ordered his books and bought some oil paint and enjoyed just copying the pictures from the book. Harry would set it up for her right in the living room! I too began to paint some of the pictures and found it to be fun. Harry made wood frames for many of the pictures mom and I painted and we put them around the house. Here are some of the pictures done by mom:







The books gave clear step by step instructions as to how to do it and what colors to use. Although both mom and I tried following these instructions to a tee, our paintings resembled the pictures in the book, but never exactly, which is okay. We had a lot of fun trying!

When I had to clear out everything, I found these paint books and the easel in the basement. I kept the books and the palette dad made with the thought that I could probably sell them on eBay or if not, I may want to paint again one day. The easel though was kind of big and Gerard was already worried our house would soon be crammed with junk like dad's was because every time I went over there, I'd bring things back home with me and have to find a place for them--usually the eBay room in the basement. This though, I just couldn't think of where to put it so unfortunately, it got thrown out. Watch the video I made of me using the easel and dad making an appearance at the end in his suspenders that I hated. I thought they made him look like an old man. He was always supportive of everything I did.


I regret now that I didn't put it in the garage at least and hang on to it. My advice to those who have the task of cleaning out a house and getting rid of things, when you get to the place where you just want it to end, take a break. That's when I made some bad decisions and ended up tossing out things that now I wish I hadn't. It's hard to know what to keep and what to let go, especially since a lot of it is just stuff that may just have sentimental value. Don't discount that. My advice based solely on my experience is that if in doubt, keep it "for now" and after the grieving process, you can decide then if you will ever use it or if you should throw it out. You can always throw away things later, but once you throw it out, you can't get it back!

(You can order My Funny Dad, Harry by clicking on the "buy book" tab at the top of this blog.)

What's In Your Wallet? (Writer's Workshop)

When my dad died, I looked all over for his wallet but couldn't find it. I looked in his dresser drawer where he always kept it and it wasn't there! I looked in the box where he kept his money and it wasn't there. I looked on the dining room table that he always used as his main "headquarters" but it wasn't there either. It turned out he had it on him, in his pant's pocket when he died but I didn't find it. At the time, I was very distraught and didn't even think about going through his pockets.

Because he died at home and hadn't been to the doctor in the last month, the coroner's office had to be called to determine the cause of death and sign the death certificate. Normally, his regular physician could sign but in January, the day of his appointment, he had diarrhea and so we had to cancel it. The weather was so cold and snowy that he held off scheduling another one. Since he wasn't very steady walking and his legs were pretty weak, he didn't want to go out if it was icy which made sense. However, the paramedics and a cop grilled me with a lot of questions, implying that I might have killed him! It's regular procedure to investigate to make sure no one came in and killed him. The house had to be sealed and I wasn't even allowed in to feed his upstairs cats for a day so I put out extra food and water for them.

His body was taken to the Coroner's office so I didn't get his wallet back until after his funeral. The Coroner sent it to the funeral home so I had to go there yet again. He only had $30 in it (which is more than I have in mine by the way) but I cried when I saw what else was in there. He had a picture of my mom from when they were engaged (1948) and two of me from when I was in first grade (1958) and my high school graduation picture (1970)!
Tears of joy welled up in my eyes. I realized at that particular moment how much he loved us and felt very blessed. It was such a great thing to find in his wallet. My mom had died six years before him but he never, ever showed any interest in any other woman.

I have his picture on my desk at work and by my computer at home. I have our family picture on top of my wardrobe and like seeing these every day. I miss both my parents very much and probably always will the rest of my days, but life goes on and one day we'll be together again. In the meantime, I find great comfort in knowing they are in heaven together with Jesus my Lord, with new bodies and no more pain or sorrow. What a wonderful God we have who made this possible and gives us hope. (I Thessalonians 4:13-18, I Corinthians 15:42-58, I Peter 1:3-9, Rev. 21:4--"He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.")

Do you carry a picture of your loved ones with you? Come to think of it, I need to add a picture of Gerard in my wallet. If I die before him, I'm sure it will please him to know I loved him enough to carry his picture with me (I have one of my first cat, Moe--better add Gerard!).

UPDATED 2/19/10: Writing about one of your February pictures was a prompt for Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop this week.

The Day Dad Died, God Gave Me Special Cat Time (Writer's Workshop-Blindsided!)

Friday, February 16, 2007 started out like any other day. I was glad it was Friday and we would get donuts at work. I fed cats at 5 a.m. as usual and then had my devotions with Spunky Doodle jumping up on the table letting me pet her. Gerard brought Moe up and put him on my lap, and he stayed! It was amazing. He sat nice on my lap and let me pet him which he just never does. Spunky was on the table. Gerard took a picture, but by the time he got up, Spunky had jumped off but still got Moe and me. That was very unusual! It was as though God knew I would be having a hard day and He just gave me a very nice morning. As you can see, my day started out great, but then it went downhill really fast and became the worst day of my life!

When got to dad’s, house was dark so I figured he got up late again. I had to go in the upstairs door because the lock was broke on the downstairs one and only dad could get it open. He usually had it unlocked for me so at this point I’m getting a bit worried. I found him in the bathroom on the floor and his head resting on the tub. I called 911 right away with my coat still on. They told me an ambulance was on the way but had to check his breathing and see if he was conscious--he wasn’t. Felt cold and couldn’t find a pulse or feel his chest moving or feel any air coming out his nose. They told me I had to try to do CPR but couldn’t even get him on his back. Sort of wedged in and couldn’t close his mouth. I figured he was dead. EMS got there quickly, took one look at him and knew right away he had been dead for awhile.

This was a terrible day. I knew it would come but didn't expect it so soon. I was actually happy for dad because his suffering was over but I felt very sad for me because I loved him so much and starting making a list in my head of all the things I needed to do--it was quite overwhelming. He died somewhere between 10:30 p.m. the night before and 6:50 a.m. I thanked God for the special morning cat time though, it really was the highlight of my day!

UPDATED 2/16/09: For more about how God helped me, check out "Don't Tell Me God Doesn't Exist--He's My Joy And Strength" at http://zemeks.blogspot.com/2009/02/dont-tell-me-god-doesnt-exist-hes-my.html


I'm using this old post for Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop prompt: Who blind-sided you? Write about a time someone caught you totally off guard.

To find out more about my book and why I wrote it, read the Foreword here.

Good Things About Funerals

I can think of two very good things about funerals:

(1) IT BRINGS THE FAMILY TOGETHER.

Growing up our family was not what you'd call close. We did not do gift exchanges at Christmas with our relatives and the extent of our visiting relatives was our grandmothers and the aunts who lived with them. That was pretty much the only contact we had with our extended family. Once in awhile, I think a total of 3 or 4 times, we visited our cousins in Mansfield (which was about an hour's drive). I remember one party we went to at another cousin's house. Other than that, the only cousin I saw on a semi-regular basis was Carol because she's a hairdresser so I went to her for haircuts and perms. When an uncle or aunt died, that's when our whole family would get together. It was always awkward because I never would know who certain people were that I should know.

When my mom died my foster brother, John, and one foster sister, Pam, didn't even come to her funeral. I think it was because they didn't know about it in time because we had no idea where they were, no phone or address for them. Since then though, we did get in touch. When my dad died, it was the first time in years that I saw Pam and John and first met John's family. That was a really good thing. It was such a momentous occasion that Michelle's, daughter even took a picture of us all together--one with our spouses and one with just us. (Michelle is my other foster sister.)

(2) WE SEE OLD FRIENDS AGAIN.

It was actually fun seeing some old friends again who came to the funeral home to console me and pay their respects. My best friend that I grew up with came! We exchange Christmas greetings but I've only been to her house once since we've been married. I mention her in "My Funny Dad, Harry" so I told her about the book I wrote and she bought it and passed it along for her sister to read as well. It was also great seeing friends from my old church again.

I recently attended viewing hours for the father of brothers I had in the youth group from years ago. It was wonderful seeing them again and they were very surprised to see me since we hadn't been in touch at all for such a long time. They both live nearby and we exchanged email addresses so we can keep in touch now.

I think this aspect of funerals is a glimpse of what heaven will be like. It'll be one huge happy reunion with our loved ones who have gone on ahead and people we've known throughout our lives who we seldom see. I have lots of questions about this such as: "Since we get new heavenly bodies, how will we recognize each other?" "What about age--will we be the age we were when we died, or be younger or older?" At any rate, I really look forward to seeing my parents again!

John 11:25-27 says:

25Jesus said to her, "I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; 26and whoever lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?"

27"Yes, Lord," she told him, "I believe that you are the Christ,[b] the Son of God, who was to come into the world."

I John 5:9-12 says:

9We accept man's testimony, but God's testimony is greater because it is the testimony of God, which he has given about his Son. 10Anyone who believes in the Son of God has this testimony in his heart. Anyone who does not believe God has made him out to be a liar, because he has not believed the testimony God has given about his Son. 11And this is the testimony: God has given us eternal life, and this life is in his Son. 12He who has the Son has life; he who does not have the Son of God does not have life.

It is so comforting to know Jesus and have the assurance of being re-united with our loved ones again.


(3) THE FAMILY GETS SOME VERY PRETTY FLOWERS.

Here is a picture of my cat, Spunky Doodle (the one I got as a kitten from dad's), enjoying the flowers we brought home from my dad's funeral.

Make Things Easier For Those Left Behind When You Die

My dad was very thoughtful and considerate of others, especially me. Here is a list of things he did after my mom died that made things a bit easier for me after he died that may be something you should think about doing too if you have family members you can trust:

1. Put my name on the house too using a survivorship deed.

2. Titled his car in both our names.

3. Added my name to his bank accounts--both savings and checking.

4. Kept important papers in file cabinet and let me help name the files.

5. With a marker, he put the year the furnace and water heaters were installed.

6. On his calendars, he would mark the days he made repairs and carried them forward from one year to the next.

7. He told me where he hid his money that he had in the house.

8. He preplanned and prepaid for most of his funeral expenses, including the casket, the grave marker, the vault and opening the grave. I was with him when he did this.

9, He gave me a key to his house.

10. He gave me his will as executor.

11. He saved an advertisement for me that he had in the dining room for a company that buys houses cheap "as is" and then takes care of cleaning them out and resells it. (I did call, but they never responded promptly so I gave up on them and cleaned everything out myself.)

My dad and I were very close and I would never think of stealing from him or cheating him in any way so he was able to do these things.